2 - Part Journal "Walking With Fear" By Fausat Odebe-Bergey
The topic is around connecting to the imperfect conditions of being alive and facing head on fears. As we walk in life dealing with depression?Anxiety? And others, many of us have been or are addressing critical issues around fear. My journal which has been taken from Live Facebook Post has been edited and divided into two parts.
A Night Time Journal
It's Fausat from Tails From Heaven, “ how are y'all doing this morning?” I hope you're well, hope you slept comfortably. It's a soggy foggy morning in West Virginia by God. I'm breathing, thankful.I'm grateful. I'm contemplating a lot of things and during this journey that I'm on. Grand rising!
I woke up this morning. Actually, in the middle of the night. Allot was happening…kids climbing in bed. I’m sleep, right?Ido this in my sleep. I pick one up, place them in the bed with me on one side. Another child joins, and is placed on the open area. Finally, I roll myself back to sleep.
But this particular morning, I decided to stay awake. It's three thirty am. This has been happening for the like the last couple of nights. I don't think it's a mistake.
Those healers, mystic gypsies and those who use white candles for prayer and healing, one understands waking up at this time. And secondly, understand the importance of a white candle.
There's a reason I'm awake at this time. No chance meeting with self. So, I started writing. I'm writing!I'm writing! I'm crying and writing.Then comes laughing.
The kids remain asleep.These tears weren't just Boohoo. This was ugly crying. You know the kind?
photography by pexels.com-Kat-Jayne
I just sat there. Sit in my shit!
One of my spiritual coaches and a friend was up working. She's a jeweler, up early this morning. Her name is Dasia, I Am. Something she said,. lit a fire in me to "just get the fuck up!" I didn't want to. I was coming down. I don't want to do the Facebook post. I don't want to write this blog. I do not feel like being motivated and talking to people. Letting people know who... Who am I? I don't feel like that right now. I don't want to see what the fuckI'm done. I'm tired. I'm stressed.
But, I did it. I need to be vulnerable. I need to be crystal clear with my intentions. No matter what I feel like. No matter what it looks like. I'm still here!!!