Part- 2 Journal "Walking With Fear" By Fausat Odebe-Bergey
Let me dive right into where I left over from the previous blog.
A Night Time Journal / Truth Serum
I wasn't going to go live on my Facebook post or write today. I wasn't going to, I wasn't. I was gonna sit in that shit.
I don't feel like being motivated and talking to people
and, letting people know who I am!
I don't feel like that right now! I don't want to. What the fuck? I'm done! I'm tired! I'm stressed! I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this.
I'm doing it. I'm doing it right now! I need to be vulnerable. I need to be as crystal clear with my intentions. I want to set out for the people that follow me, the people that love me! This includes myself. No matter what I feel like.
No matter what it looks like.
No matter where things may be.
I'm still here, right. I'm still motivating myself, even when I don't feel like myself.
It makes me.... immediate!
I felt a push. Like someone was grabbing me, pulling me
to a space where I know that I needed.
Fears will make you re-evaluate your whole life. Re-evaluate your whole form of living.
I mean, everything! Fear will completely paralyze you! Fear will just, I mean, drive you insane. Fear is the most the heaviest mucus that's in my lungs, right now!
Just spit it out! Do you understand what I'm talking about?
Fear is just, I mean. I hate that. Fear will have you so fucked up in this world that you don't even know if it's up. If it's,... if you're stuck, you will drown.
And I was drowning, this morning.
photography by pexels.com-Kat-Jayne
No the past week! The past year, the past seven years.
I have to appreciate that the past has been amazing to me!
It doesn't matter whether it's financial. Know, I'm not the most purchasing person in the world. But hell, I have food I have shelter, my kids are healthy. I'm healthy. My parents, my friends are still living.
I have been blessed enough to not witness any tragedies amongst any of the people that I truly love. I have to give thanks.
And then....... you have ego. Ego is fears best fucking friend! They ride together everywhere! If you're not scared... ego gonna tell you that you shouldn't do this or that.
So today, I'm going to make a conscious effort to tell them (fear and ego) to shut the fuck up!
I don't want to lose any followers, but if I do because I curse that's a part of me. It's my language. I'm releasing this energy that needs to be released. I'm releasing these tears that I cried this morning for no reason and honestly as an empath I don't even know whose tears I was crying. Why? Because I'm around so many, so many beautiful people that are hurting. I don't even know whose tears I was crying.
Had to walk in the grass with my socks on to balance myself. As a medium, a clairvoyant.. I'm balancing myself. Even though it's rained, I have to do what works for me.
Grounding myself. I need to be conscious with my effort to take care of me first. Before I can take care of anyone else. I demand it! I deserve it!
I deserve to be able to smile freely, and genuinely be happy. Happiness is my choice.
The last six hours, I just witnessed and walked through, fear, ego and acceptance of self.
shit is real!
C o n f u s i o n is r e a l.
(The sound of breathing)
I sit in it! I don't sit in it long.
I celebrate where I've been. And the places that I've been to, and the people,.. the wonderful people in my life.
I'm in awe...
of the growth
and the transformation that I've had.
I just sat there. Sit in my shit!